Mrs. McVeigh's Manners Column
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Dear Mrs. McVeigh: I am a stay-at-home mom with two kids. My oldest child is in kindergarten and my youngest attends a mom’s day out a couple days a week. From time to time, if friends or neighbors are in a bind with needing childcare, I try to help. For the most part all of my friends and neighbors are very considerate, only ask if they are truly in a predicament, and are always willing to reciprocate. One couple on our street that I have been willing to help in the past, has started to ask me to watch their 2 year old for reasons I feel they should hire a babysitter or place their child in a mom’s day out program. For example, I have been asked to watch their two year old while one of the parents takes a day off of work, so both parents can celebrate a birthday together with lunch and movie. (All the while, I am paying for my two year old to be in a mother’s day out!) Just recently, I was asked to watch their two year old for a few hours, while one of the parents attempts to get a new business venture going. I have politely told them I could not do it. However, they keep calling and asking. I am getting irritated with having to call them back and tell them I cannot do it, when I feel like they should not have asked me to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, I am willing to help when people are in need, but I feel like this couple is being inconsiderate of my time. Not to mention, this family can afford to pay for childcare, when they need it. I tend to be a pleaser and not always assertive when warranted. Do I just keep telling them no? Will they ever get the hint? Or, can you offer some assertive words for me to give them? Thanks, Pleaser
Dear Pleaser,This is a case when using basic good manners has not worked, so you need to take it a step further. Since you have to “live with” these people for as long as you are in your house, I suggest sitting down with them and nicely setting some guidelines. Tell them you like to help out in emergencies, but feel like you are being taken advantage of. You can also be very nice about it and tell them you are sure they are not realizing how much of a burden this is becoming for you. The other way to handle it is to not answer the phone when they call, and more or less end the friendship. Either way you are justified in sticking up for yourself.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,I have a full-time babysitter that I like as a person, and have had for a long time, but I need advice on how to politely handle her when I feel like she is taking advantage of us. She has started to show up late, let’s the kids watch inappropriate shows, talks on the phone, etc… I am not one for confrontation, and she is so great in so many other ways, so how can I lay down the law, without sounding rude?
Frustrated Parent
Dear Frustrated,Addressing these issues is nothing you should feel bad about. These are your kids, you are paying her to take care of them, and she needs to follow the rules that you lay down. I would sit down with her, like you would at an office review, and professionally go over the great things about her performance, and really praise her on her strong points. You can then mention the negative, and explain to her why these issues are a problem. For example, tell her you have to be at the office a certain time, or get started with your work at a specific time everyday, so it throws your whole day off when she arrives late, and it really stresses you out. You can tell her there is so much to be done around the house, or with the kids, so she please needs to make her calls after hours. Tell her you would like to have these review sessions every 3 – 6 months, because you like to tell her how much you appreciate her. Hope this works.
