To teach your child to survive in the competitive world that he is inheriting, you will need both the foundations, wisdom and accountability passed on to you by your parents, and the technological understanding that your child can teach you in order to insure a first rate education . 

You will need to become a Pro-Active Parent.

PRO-ACTIVE PARENT Rules for Texting and Internet Usage(HINT:  you already know them)

Becoming a Pro-Active Parent, isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it is possible for anyone charged with the responsibility of raising children.  You have to willing to wait until your child is grown to “be their friend.”  You will lose sleep, as you learn to “sleep with your eyes open” while maintaining the calm and collected aura of the consistent parent that you will become.  You will have to learn to “stand your ground” when choosing to be the parent in the relationship, you’ll find that your decisions aren’t always “popular,” and at times may even make your children less “popular.”  Live with it!  Embrace it!  This is what you signed up for when you had those precious babies!  You can do this.

First, we must understand that we don’t have the luxury of sending our children off to school and “expecting” them to get a great education.  We can’t assume anything. 

We have forgotten what our parents knew.  Our parents believed that education begins at home.  We can’t forget that.  Just because we live in an era where most of the time, both parents work (outside the home,) and time is at a premium, we must also recognize that our children’s education begins and ends with us.  Ultimately, we are responsible.

Without becoming a pro-active parent, we can’t even be sure that our children understand the need for education.  If it is important to us, and we are important to them, it will become important to them.  You are your child’s inherent truths.

Today, there are so many distractions.  We live in an age of media and communication saturation.  Many of our children live in online chat-rooms, browsing other kid’s profiles on MySpace and Face-Book, with I-pod headsets blaring in their ears, and their thoughts… on everything BUT school. 

Their reality:  the understanding that they can normally bam-boozle us into thinking that their internet time is dedicated to studying for a class, getting an assignment, or doing research; and that our inquiries into the specifics of what they are doing online are not only “un-necessary,” but also counter-productive to getting their work done. (“Can YOU work with someone looking over YOUR shoulder?”) Well, actually the truth is, we ALL work with SOMEONE looking over our shoulder!

Our reality:  a lack of understanding.  The truth of the matter is:  they know the truth.  We don’t.

Remember your parents’ answer to “you don’t trust me”—was: “Its not you I don’t trust, its everybody else I don’t trust!” As much as you may have hated it then, it got you safely to where you are today, and it is still an acceptable answer. 

It is amazing to me that we all know and recognize that nothing that goes in or out of your cell phone or your computer is private. We know that.  Yet our children howl about the “privacy” they claim they need and deserve, (from us as their parents “you don’t trust me!”).  And as their parents, we are the very people who have a need to know, and a responsibility to control their access to the communication avenues that surround us.

What did your parents do?

When you were growing up, your parents had physical boundaries for you: where you could go, when you could go there,  who you could go with, how long you could be gone, and what you could do when you went there. What time did you have to be back home? There were also, in all likelihood, places you couldn’t go.  “Off-limits” areas of the community have been around for children, for as long as we’ve been civilized.  Many times, if you had a need to go somewhere that was unknown, or even questionable, your parents (or a responsible adult) went with you.

Additionally, in my case at least, there were also all sorts of people in the community, who knew me and if I happened to find myself somewhere they thought I shouldn’t be, they didn’t hesitate to call my parents and with my parent’s consent, attempt an intercession. (It happened more than once, and we didn’t have cell phones!)

You may remember the nightly television announcement:  “Its’ 7 o’clock.  Do you know where your children are?”  How many times did that trigger my parents to start the roll-call, making sure everyone was inside and getting ready for dinner and homework?

Well, it’s 7 o’clock.  Do you know where your children are?  Unfortunately, we tend to fall into a false comfort zone.  My child is at home.  She’s in her room on the computer.  She’s studying, talking to her friends and listening to music. 

Welcome to the 21^st century.  Your child may be in her room, in your house, but she may not be “safe & sound.” She may have stumbled onto something (or worse yet, someone) you might not want her to be studying, and as for her friends?  I don’t need to remind you of all of the children who have fallen prey to online predators.

The solution: Wizen up!  Break the bank!  Change the rules!  Learn the codes!  Put the same boundaries in place on texting, cell-phone and internet usage, that your parents had for venturing outside your home into the community.  Know that its’ okay for your child not to have any privacy beyond a closed door for bathing and changing clothes.

Be a presence in your child’s life.  Know where he’s going when he’s on the internet.  Sit down next to her when she’s on the phone, verbally or texting.  ASK QUESTIONS!  You are paying for those services!  “Who was that?”  “What did they want?”  “Where are you going” “Who are you calling?”  These are your children!  They need boundaries, even at 18!

Go back to your parent’s rules. They are easy, time-tested and you already know them by heart.   The internet community is really no different than the community you grew up in.  There’s good and bad,  indifferent and totally off-limits!. 

Anyway you look at it, it is a community, and oftentimes our kids know it better than we do. Set up boundaries.  Where are your children allowed to go?  When can they go there?  Who else goes there?  How long can they stay there?  What can they do while they are there?  When do they have to be “home”?