Anyway you look at it, your parent’s blueprint for raising children is antiquated. 

    That is not to say that the rules and basic values that we were taught as children, are not still essentialand integral pieces of the fabric that make up who we are and who our children become.   Its’ only to say, that there is so much more required of them and us, that if we are not careful, we as parents can “fall through the cracks” by not being savvy.

   We live in the Age of Technology, but for the most part, we were raised by standards created in the Ages of  Farming and Industry.  Believe it or not, no one knows this better than your kids. 

   To teach your child to survive in the competitive world that he is inheriting, you will need both the foundations, wisdom and accountability passed on to you by your parents, and the technological understanding (that your child can teach you).

   It will take both value sets in order to insure your child receives a first rate education, and becomes a positive contributor in tomorrow’s society . 

There are 7 basic needs for successful kids (of all ages) :

 1. expectations

 2. responsibilities

3. structure

4. discipline

5. boundaries

6. consequences

7. routine

   Whether you are a parent who is sending a child off to school for the first time, or are an old pro by now, who just wants to get the year off to a better start; the following guide will address the first three areas of expectations, responsibilities and structure. 

   Following these easy instructions can ensure better communication between PATS (parents, administrators, teachers and students), and get everyone off on the right foot.  

Set the bar.

   Parents should outline their expectations and the child’s responsibility for a successful academic year. Sharing these expectations with each child will set the tone, and begin to create the structured environment that will produce not only better grades, but better relationships between parents and students, and better communication between siblings.

   It is important to note that this process will require a bit of time, effort and patience on the part of the parent.  Understand that students who struggle, and even some who don’t, may not be happy with your decision to become a pro-active parent, but the results will be evident from the start and very worthwhile.

1. Sit down at the computer and visit the internet with your child.

   Begin with a review of the school website with student before starting school. Boundaries (code of conduct, school dress code, rules for cell phone usage, hours of operation, late work and grading policies, etc.) are set up by each campus, and both the parents and the students will be aware of the rules and consequences for failure to comply. Lots of very important information is contained on the website. 

   If you haven’t visited the school’s website before, you might be very surprised at the volume of information that it contains. Read through this information together.  Most schools have posted drop off and pick-up times, bus routes, upcoming events, and teacher or grade-level webpage urls listed on their campus website. 

   If you child carries a cell phone to school, check the policy.  Most schools have gone to a very expensive form of controlling cell phone use (calls & texting) during school hours. Make sure you both know the rules and the consequences.  Please don’t break the rules yourself, by calling or texting your child during the school day.  Administrators and teachers don’t know that the person your child is communicating with is his/her parent.  You are the child’s parent, and have to follow the rules as well. 

   If there is something of dire urgency that can’t wait until school is over, call the school.  Have the campus staff pull your child into the office and call you back.  This up-front form of communication saves time, energy and ultimately money.  It lets your child see that following the rules is important to you, as well.

Print out a copy of the dress code.  

   Later, spend time going through your child’s wardrobe to determine what’s appropriate for school and what is better saved for trips to the movies or the mall.  If your child reacts negatively to this, (and many will) with protested claims that the dress code is not enforced or that it’s not fair, now is the perfect time to use your parents’ adage that “Life isn’t fair” and perhaps ask your child if they would like you to email the school principal and ask how stringently the dress code is enforced and what the penalties are for failure to adhere to it.

This way, there are no surprises; everyone is on the same page! 

   While on the school’s website, make a note of the school’s phone & fax numbers, the names of the administrators, and any other pertinent information. Post this information on the refrigerator or family bulletin board.  This saves time later and more importantly, puts the student on alert that there will be ongoing communication between you as his/her parent and the school.  If your child complains that this isn’t necessary, tell him/her you hope it won’t be, but it will be there when you need it. (Calling in an absence excuse, lost and found information, counselor/scheduling questions, etc.)

   Continue the website visit (with the student present) and sign up for their school district’s online grade book access.  You will need your child’s district id# for this.  Be sure to set up alerts to be sent to the parent’s email address (one that the student does not have access to) when assignments are not turned in, or grades are below the parents’ expectations (you set the bar, what grade is acceptable?).  This very simple action lets the student know that he/she is going to be held accountable.

   Parents should be proactive with students and teachers by providing two things for the secondary (5^th-12^th grade) student before they go to school on the first day. 

2. Put a Class work Assignment in your student’s hands on the first day of school.

   First, parents should give an assignment for secondary students to do at school and return home with at the end of the first day.   This assignment can be in simple worksheet format and should require no more than fill-in-the blank information that each teacher will provide. Some of the information (like his/her name, and possibly the class subject and teacher’s name) can be filled out before they ever leave the house. This will set up the parent’s expectations for students, it will ensure that they are responsibly listening and taking notes, and if the information isn’t forthcoming…asking questions! Teachers appreciate students who ask for information that is relevant.

   Second, no secondary student should attend school without a planner.  Many schools in the area provide planners for the students. Check with the school ahead of time.  Many schools pass out the planners on the first day of school. Consistent utilization of a planner is probably the most important determiner of a student’s academic success.  Nightly “Planner checks” by parents to see that the student is actually filling it out and doing the assignments (long-term and short term) and weekly checks against what is posted for assignments online actually give parents a real idea about what is being covered and provides more information for the parents to ask questions about, if and when problems arise.  In a nutshell, it keeps everyone honest. 

   You can find an example of a First Day of School Information Gathering Worksheet posted tomorrow right here on this blog. Use as much or little as you need, feel free to alter it.  Make it up for the correct number of classes, add more friends & phone numbers (for planner checks and reconciliations), require teacher signatures, you can elicit whatever information you feel you want to have at your fingertips. 

   Check with your child’s school to find out if planners are provided by the school.  If they are not, you can get them at most office supply stores and your local bookstores. There should be a place for both long and short term assignments. Parents should go over the use (and importance) of the planner with the student, so that both of you are familiar with the benefits of using it. Planner entries become an ongoing record of what is happening in the classroom.

3. Check your child’s work.

   When the assigned worksheet arrives back home, (you may have to ask for it), check it as you would any assignment. Did your child do the assignment?  Is it legible?  Is it complete? Where there are blanks, ask the question. 

   If it is incomplete, do not send it back the next day with the student. Know that if your child doesn’t do this assignment for you, he/she may not do their class assignments. They have already been told by you that if the teacher doesn’t give them the information, they need to ask for it. 

   Keep the worksheet, and print out a new one. Have the student fill out everything again and take the new worksheet back to school, the next day to finish his/her assignment.  Tolerate no excuses for incomplete work. Treat this assignment as an expectation you are not willing to negotiate. This sets up the expectation that your parents had for you in the form of the adage, “If you don’t have time to do it right the first time, you must have time to do it again!”

4. E-mail your child’s teacher(s).

   Have the student watch you use the e-mail addresses that are on the form to write yourself a letter of introduction.  Include in this letter your name, phone number at home and work, your preferred email address, the student’s name, id #, class period and subject and any other pertinent information you might want to include. Invite them to correspond with you about your child’s progress.  Ask questions about class rules, long-term assignments and indicate your interest in being “in the loop” where your child’s education is concerned.

   Never underestimate your power and position as a parent. The student who sees his/her parents’ in active communication with teachers and even administrators from the first day, will be more likely to pay attention in class, and will exert more effort in achieving  the expectations of his/her teachers and parents.  The teacher who receives an e-mail from a parent on the first day of school, will be put on notice that you are a concerned, assertive and proactive parent who believes in and expects that your child will receive the education that he/she deserves.  Please be as professional to the teacher(s) in this first line of communication, as you want them to be with your child in class.  You want to be on the same page with the teacher. Hopefully, you both have your child’s best interest at heart.  You want the same goals of educational excellence and the instilling of a love for learning for your child.

   Once this open line of communication has been established, periodically check in with questions, comments and concerns.  This gives you strength as a parent and as an advocate for your child.  This proactive communication puts the student, teacher and administration “on notice” that you are aware that it is after all, your responsibility as a parent, to make sure that your child’s educational needs are met and that his/her educational experience is positive, meaningful and successful.