This column titled "The Gentle Art of Fathering" ran in the Dallas Morning News Metro section on July 3, 2008. By Nelson Prater of Garland

This one’s for us dads. As I was contemplating this column, I realized that those reading it won’t be the ones who really need to read it the most. I’ll end up “preaching to the choir,” again. So, I thought I’d write a column for us, and not focus on them.

It’s time for us fathers to stand tall, to stand together, to kick our game up a notch. I want to share some things I’ve learned about fatherhood. And, then I’m going to call for you, the choir, to help me get a forum going where we can share our good ideas with each other and with other dedicated fathers.

Can we agree on one principle? Every child must go to bed at night, and wake in the morning, with absolutely no doubt that Daddy puts them above everything else. Even very small children recognize when their interests haven’t been considered, and a seed of doubt regarding their importance is planted. Let’s don’t plant that seed – it grows into something ugly.

Our boys need us to be their positive role model. They need to sense that we are the “men of the house” – a cohesive team, working together, taking care of this family.

Our boys watch us intently to see how we act in different situations. Long before they start school, boys become carbon copies of Daddy. They talk and walk and behave just like Daddy. They use the same tone of voice Daddy uses when talking to Mommy, or Sissy, or Brother.

We have to model for our sons a loving husband, and father, and friend to man. Our sons need fathers who are rock-solid, the family cornerstone – strong, loving, caring, kind, gentle, ethical, physically fit. All those things rolled into one. (Sorry, but it comes with the job.)

Physically fit? Absolutely. Our boys and our girls are going to look to Daddy to be an example of how take care of our bodies. If Daddy isn’t a healthy guy, guess who’s going to struggle with their health? If Dad’s an avid beer drinker, guess who’s going to sneak beer in high school? If Daddy’s a flosser, guess who’s going to floss?

Our boys and our girls need our time. I’m not really sold on the whole “quality time” concept. Time is time, and the more the better. Sometimes our kids just need us around. We may be out mowing, or cleaning the garage, or washing the car. It’s comforting to them just to know we’re there and available. I’ve had some special moments when one of my kids came out and folded out a chair to chat with me while I was washing the car.

Our girls need our love, affection, and attention. Girls will turn to boys for the love they’re not getting from their fathers. That’s pretty scary. Our girls need to be doted on by Daddy, to be made to feel special. They need a kiss on the cheek or forehead from Daddy every time they cross paths.

Our girls look to Daddy for total acceptance. We can have fun with them, but we should never, never, never make fun of our girls. They will take it deep into their hearts and ponder over it endlessly.

Our teens are text message pros. We must learn how to text message. We can’t miss out on the opportunity to send our teen a little love note during the day. “I love you!” “Go Roos! LOL!” “Miss you!” “Good luck on your test!” A few words, takes only a few seconds. Wow – I know Daddy is in meetings all day, but he was thinking of me. All is right with the world.

Kicking our game up a notch isn’t going to be easy. We’re going to have to stand tall, stand together, shoulder to shoulder, we dads. But, we owe it to our boys and girls to do whatever it takes to become the best fathers we can be.

Is anyone interested in getting a forum started where we can share our good fathering ideas with each other and with other fathers? If so, send me an e-mail, and send me your ideas. I’ll create a distribution list, and we can figure out together how to share our ideas with as many fathers as possible.