Deep within the bitter evil that is my black heart, there glows a warmth born from a yearning. 

And though it scarcely makes sense, I can - without fear - peer into that black heart and find myself gazing deep into the majesty of His presence; He chooses to be in the place I need Him most.

In all, this longing transcends feelings and draws breath as the aching desire of my existence: to warm my cold, tired, soul on the glow of God’s glory, to delight in experiencing Him beyond a point where time is of any consequence. 

Only then do I simply savor Him in the now.

"God's training of a man or woman is a thing of wonder. He is always more concerned about the person He is training that He is about the work His student will do. We are in awe of what a person does, like an art student fazing at a Rembrandt painting, but God is excited about who a person is."

From "The Handwriting on the Wall," by David Jeremiah, ©1992 Ch 3, P. 35

* * *

My goodness! If I could only have that tattooed on my forehead so I’d see it every day.

Today my oldest daughter will wake up, do some things around the house, work her four hours at the part time job she has and then come home. She’ll do whatever needs doing so that come 7 PM this evening, she can talk by webcam to her husband. He is Air Force and currently several thousand miles away on another side of the globe, working on planes and pulling sand out of everything he owns, pretty much every day. He’s eight weeks into a six-month deployment.

For the record, there’s no way to compare ten or twelve months in combat to anything else, other than two or three tours of it. But think about a young wife who’s only seen her husband for about half of the four years they’ve been married because he’s been in training or deployed or sent here and there; she’s certainly “going through” something, right? That leads me to this.

There is a church that puts out a very spiffy bulletin each week. When the war in the Gulf first came to a head they asked for names of service men and women. It got a be a list of, oh, fifteen or twenty names and included where they were stationed: Afghanistan and Iraq as well as several places around Europe and here in the states…names of places I now know as boot camps.

One day it changed and in bold letters the bulletin said: immediate family serving in war zones…the implication being, “please only submit names of folks currently under fire.” Maybe it was a space issue, maybe it got too much to keep track of, or maybe someone wasn’t thinking it through, but it bugged me when someone showed it to me and it bugs me still.

What about the wife with the three year old daughter and the newborn who just found out she and her young family are moving to Spain? It’s not in combat, not even close. But she has to pack up her very young family, kiss her mom good-bye and head to some new country. Twentysomethings with no support system and a spouse headed to off to work many days for many hours each day – I think I’d find some space in a little paper for those names.

What about the family living on their third base in four years or the soldier working at a Midwest US base who reports to some jerk? There ain’t no Labor Department or EEOC or agency to complain to in the military! You play the cards you’re dealt and that’s all there is to it. Certainly the majority of men, women and family enjoy a great and fulfilling life serving our country and I thank God Himself they keep things safe for me and mine, but they ALL sacrifice, either with their lives or in how their families live their lives. If it’s me, I’ll move stuff around to fit their names on the little paper.

Point is, let’s pray for these and others. Let’s pray for military guys and gals and their families who all just do their job at US bases around the world.

You may have heard the name ‘Barnabas’ a time or two in your Bible studies. He was sent to Antioch by the Jerusalem elders and helped build and organize the church there. Antioch would be the place if you wanted to provide big service and further your Christian career.

Excitement over a risen Lord, a true Body under construction, and the effects spreading across the Turkey and Asia …yes, Barnabas stood in the right place at the right time. The service he offered shown bright.

Who cooked the food for meetings in Antioch? For that matter, the name of the person that arranged lodging for visitors from Jerusalem…what was it? How many folks washed feet at the gatherings and refreshed weary travelers? Who met people at the seaport sixteen miles away and escorted them to Antioch? We don’t know any names.

Does that mean they were less vital to the Church than Barnabas? If no one found rooms, cooked food, arranged transportation, would the church at Antioch have grown as it did?

In today’s church, if you have talents that fit into a music, teaching, or organizing ministry, for instance, I bet you find yourself a rising star. What if you aren’t blessed with those talents?

“And he sent two of His disciples and said to them, ‘Go into the city, and a man will meet you carrying a pitcher of water; follow him’” (Mark 14:13)

We go on with the rest of the Last Supper story, but what of that man carrying the pitcher? Men didn’t carry pitchers in the first century AD, so there was something to what he did, but the act was simple.

(Luke 5:18) “And some men were carrying on a bed a man…but not finding any way to bring him in…they went…and let him down through the tiles.”

What follows is the marvelous story of this crippled man being cured, but what of his friend’s service? They came, found obstacles, and in their love for their brother, found a way to serve.

In 1 Kings 17:8, a widow makes a cake for Elijah with the last of her flour and oil. Though there’s more to the story, and her sacrifice was great, but her action was simple service. Think of the scribes that put ink to scroll as they listened to Luke and Paul. The Ark of the Covenant - someone cut the wood, melted the metal, fashioned and molded for that Ark. All these saints served out of the spotlight…under the radar.

Can you take someone somewhere or make a cake? Can you smile and say, ‘Hi?’ to people you see at the store, walking down the street?” Can you write something or work with wood?

Will you simply make yourself available for a small thing the Lord desires? You can serve.

Certainly we are to be “content in whatever circumstances (Philippians 4:11);” besides faith in those hard times, it means it’s okay to be happy when time, money, and talent finds you. There’s much more, though. Romans 14:7-8 points the direction, “For not one of us lives for himself and not one dies for himself…live for the Lord, die for the Lord.”

First Corinthians 4:7 adds the “in case you’re feeling kinda proud” verse, echoing the general refrain of Solomon a thousand years earlier, “For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?” Realize God owns our time, talents, and possessions; we have it on loan.   

We are to enjoy His blessings, but are we supposed to do something with them? Paul says (2 Corinthians 9:7), “Don’t do community service, service the community.”

John (1 John 3:17-18) tells Christians all over Asia Minor, “Don’t turn your head away from a need. You’re a Christian? Do something!”

James speaks to the church in its infancy and warns, “While you’re waiting for that lovely ‘God bless you,’ to take hold of the person you just blessed, why don’t you help them? (James 2:15-16) Action…involvement…using the things God’s given…being proactive. That’s why we are equipped – to serve, to build a Body.

Who can serve? Paul tells Timothy (1 Tim 1:12), “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service.”

God can use anyone, but the faithful that serve Him know it’s an honor to do so. To be blessed and strengthened by God in order to do His work is a reward for all it implies: prayer, faith, obedience, and a desire to do His will. 

We are equipped to serve and there are specifics as to how. Romans 12:10-13 states it succinctly. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted in prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.” 

From every pulpit in the land it needs to be thundered forth that God still lives, that God still observes, still reigns. Faith is now in the crucible, it is being tested by fire and there is no fixed resting place for the heart and mind but in the Throne of God. What is needed now, as never before, is a full, positive, constructive setting forth of the Godhood of God.

(This is a quote by a fellow named A.W. Pink...from 1918!)

I was just thinking...

Getting a lot of emails and having conversations from folks, all under the "God says don't worry," banner and I get it, of course, and appreciate them all.

I understand the "be anxious for nothing part" and I know He understands I'll struggle with it a bit and I'm glad - in the end - that going through this tough time just makes my relationship with Him that much stronger, right?

What about Job? I have a sneaking suspicion that's what I fear...what we all fear...that we're on the cusp of a Job-like blessing!! Holy smokes; who'd want to be him? Wonder what Job would have done/thought if somehow he could have seen ahead in time...

...there he was, sitting with all them animals, kids, land, money...life was ruby-red fabulous. What if he could have sipped his pomegranate martini, pressed a button, fast forwarded ahead and watched it all blow away in a two day show...what would he have done?

What could he have done? Nothing, because God is in charge and really...that's all there is to it. It may be a pessimistic point of view; that wouldn’t surprise me about me! 

But if I think about it logically...if I'm Job and I can't do anything about this next hour coming up... well sir, I am going to (a) enjoy the heck out of what I have right now (b) be in constant prayer to Him as we head to the top of the roller coaster before we dip down into the 100 MPH fall and (c) enjoy what I have right now. 

People expect us to act a certain way because our job is not going well/it's slow/I'm working for a jerk...they expect us to (see any part of the book of Job and listen to ALL the stuff his 'friends' and his wife tell him; yuck!). And, dare I say, I expect me to behave a certain way; grim, committed, resolved, realistic. Why do I do that?

If this is the financial end of the world for me, well then, I better enjoy things now, cause after that, it's all gone. I certainly do have enough scratch still in my checking account for some tacos, chips and salsa for supper tonight and when I get them, I better drop my nose down in that pico and sniiiiffffffffffff those good smells, take nice, small bites to savor each morsel, smile and nod at my supper company throughout the whole thing. Etc, etc . . . . application, application. If it's not the financial end of the world, then I just need to get through this rough patch. Think of Job again.

What if he could have fast forwarded those couple days ahead and then fast forwarded to the time when everything was restored (and increased)? Means he still would have had all the boils, the lousy friends, the stupid wife, the 'bad' times, but knowing that the end of the gloom was going to be fabulous, means, I think, he could have hummed a little song to himself and gotten through it.

Well, I know what the end-end of ALL will be - even with the boils, well-meaning friends, a FABULOUS wife, and some really uncertain financial times -  so even though I am the King of Anxiousville right now - what the hay? I mean, really...what the hay? 

So that's what I'm going to try and do today. Just enjoy what I have now, hum as I get to the top of the roller coaster and maybe do it all again tomorrow. 

How about you?

Great essay by Carol Wimmer- see her website at http://www.carolwimmer.com/

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I am saved”
I’m whispering “I was lost!”
That is why I chose this way.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I’m worth it.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say... “I am a Christian”
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I’m loved.

Carol Wimmer ©1988

We have a little hot tub and one of our dogs, Harley, loves it. Not that he goes in, but when us humans do, he runs round and round waiting for a splash or someone to turn the useless waterfall feature on because it makes big splashes. Harley is one of those dogs who’s a freak for a stream of water; you know dogs like that, yes? Well, Harls is one of them.

If he sees my hand go to the control for the waterfall, he jumps up along the side and waits for the splash of water coming his way. If I don’t put my hand on the control, he knows….knows, mind you…that all he has to do is run around two times, jump back up and I’ll flip it on. He runs the two laps, jumps up and…no waterfall.

Okay,” I imagine he says to himself,”I musta not ran the laps well enough; let me try it again.” And he does.

Sometimes the waterfall shows up, sometimes it doesn’t. He’s fun to have out there, but I’m relaxing, and my mind goes to other things. But he keeps his routine, his hopes, every time.

Know who he reminds me of? Me…praying.

Though I know better, too often I find myself thinking, “Well if I only…then He certainly will…” In the middle of the thought there’s a moment of something close to common sense – I know God built, created, and runs the universe and He offers me the path he knows is best, prepares it as the path of simplest decisions if only I stay close and involved in the relationship – but still I tend to go and make it a “look at me, working hard,” thing at best and a superstitious thing at worst.

*Sigh* But sometimes the fog clears and I remember. Like the night before last.

2008 has not been a banner year for me on a couple fronts and in a brief moment of clear, rational, Christian thinking I said, “Lord, how ‘bout some joy?”

I could give you a list as long as your arm as to what I know I need (lots of sarcasm there, btw), but it’s the joy I love best. And it’s been missing, so the man-boy genius figured out to pray for it. 

Well, in running through some old journals late that night, I came across an entry where I thanked Him for music because it always brings me joy. So yesterday morning, I cranked it up on the way to work and grooved in the joy. I cranked it up at work and on the way home and sampled some more joy. Last night we welcomed 2009, I was cranking it still. And, with my chips and queso, I had me some joy. Tasted great.

Hopefully 2009 will feature less of me running around with good luck charms and calling them prayers and more time simply spent sharing joy with Him.