They have distinctive personalities. I just returned from visiting four wonderful universities in and around Austin, Tx....each is a great school for the right fit student, but these four colleges have very different personalities. Colleges and universities are not "one size fits all".

Southwestern University is 30 minutes north of Austin in historic Georgetown, Tx. The campus is lovely with huge live oaks providing shade in every courtyard and along every pathway. It is another world from sprawling UT Austin... people are friendly on this quiet, tree lined campus. Go Pirates!

Baylor is another beautiful campus, and while not as busy as UT Austin, Baylor Bears are seen everywhere. The buildings on this campus are almost opulent, and everywhere are reminders that Baylor is a Christian university. Enthusiasm for the Bears is evident, and many students are wearing Baylor Bear sweatshirts or tees. Go Bears!

As I said, four great Texas universities, each one with a tremendous history and reputation, but very different. Is one of them right for you?  If you think so, go visit!

The vast majority of date rapes go unreported whether they occur on campus or off campus.  Reported date rapes that go to trial inevitably have the defendant claiming that the victim gave "consent".  But what is consent, and how do you know you have it?  Does kissing or going into a man's  apartment or hotel room indicate consent?  Think about the cases of Mike Tyson and Kobe Bryant.  In MIT's Tech, Alison Muscatine writes of the trial of Mike Tyson, "Arguing on Tyson's behalf, Fuller (his defense attorney)  stood at a podium and, occasionally pounding his fist and raising his voice, argued that the accuser was a sophisticated young woman who knew what she was getting into when she accompanied the 5-foot-11, 200-plus pound boxer to Room 606 of the Canterbury Hotel in the wee hours of July 19."   This view leads us to believe that the mere fact that the victim went into Tyson's hotel room assumes consent (it doesn't). She liked him, she was interested in him, they were at a hotel, so she spent time with him in his room.  This is NOT consent to sex. The attitude shown by Tyson and his defense attorney is the same as in the Kobe Bryant case. Bryant's alleged victim refused to testify as Bryant fans threatened and harassed her, so the case was dropped. Katelyn Faber's interview with the police stated that Bryant put his hands around her throat and forced her to bend over a chair while he raped her. Bryant said the sex was consensual. One observation I have is that the uproar over Michael Vick playing football again has been much greater than it was when Tyson reentered the ring or Bryant went back to the game. What does that tell you?

Courts have expected women to fight back in order to show non-consent.  This is known as BOYS RULES APPLY. Males will physically fight and sustain as well as deliver injuries when they are being physically forced to do something they don't want to. Courts expect women to act like males and don't take into account that women have been socialized NOT to fight, and have been told not to fight a rapist for fear of angering him to the point where he will severely injure his victim.  Courts want to see bruises and broken bones as evidence of non-consent.  This is the reason this crime is so unreported---.  Males have been socialized to "try" while females have been socialized not to fight back.

So what is consent? Consent is a YES, a verbal yes. No means no. No means you stop. The old "get her drunk and take advantage of her" meets the definition of rape. Coercing, begging, "talking her into it", badgering...meets the definition of rape. Just because she went out with you, kissed you, and went to second base does NOT mean she consents to sex with you. Just because a guy is aroused doesn't entitle him to sex. Wouldn't guys like to hear a "yes"? Two consenting and eager partners in an encounter is sexy, right? Right.

We have all heard about the horrific crime in Richmond, Ca that happened over the weekend. A 15 year old high school student at a Homecoming Dance was gang raped for 2 and a half hours. At least 10 men/boys joined in, and another 10 or more watched, filmed, or encouraged it. No one called 911. No one reported anything at all. The question everyone is asking is why? Why would men watch this crime, participate in it or film it, but do nothing to stop it? There is no short answer to this question, but there are some answers. They are found in the theories of groupthink and in the socialization of males in our society. Let me try to explain two theories, quickly. In the 1970s a young woman was stabbed to death in a New York neighborhood. While she was being murdered, many people watched. They watched from their windows, and from safe distances. No one tried to stop it. After studying this situation, researchers theorized that when many people are watching a crime, they each think someone else will report it or do something about it. When only one or a very few witness a crime a person usually does come forward to help or to report it. As the number of people watching grows, the likelihood of intervention goes down.

The other explanation has to do with male socialization combined with "groupthink" and "fraternal cultures". There is much research and documentation to support the dangers of boys or men in groups. Boys and men, when in groups, will do things they would never conceive of alone. I could go into the theory and the research, but it would take far too long. For my purpose here, I want to define rape, and give a few facts.

What is the definition of rape? ANY SEXUAL ACT CHARACTERIZED BY LACK OF CONSENT, BE IT BY FORCE, THREAT OF FORCE, TRICKERY, COERCION, BRIBERY, OR PERPETRATED ON SOMEONE DRUNK OR UNCONSCIOUS. (Yes, that is correct: a person who is drunk or unconscious cannot give legal consent. Period.) Women age 24 and under suffer from the highest rates of rape. The Justice Department estimates that one in four women will experience rape or attempted rape during their college years, and that less than five percent of these rapes will be reported. Many of these rapes will take place within a fraternity house, or on a date.  Many of the men perpetrating these crimes will be fraternity men and/or athletes.  Those participating in fraternal cultures are more likely to rape.  Gang rapes are usually male "competitions" and centered on who is more manly, the victim is not seen as a "real" person. In an older study of college males, 51% said they would rape if they could be guaranteed they would not be punished for it. Another study of high school boys found that 50% believed it was within a boy's rights to force a girl to have sexual intercourse when "she gets him sexually excited" or "she says she's going to have sex then changes her mind". The majority of rapes on a college campus are perpetrated by fraternity members. Since male friendships revolve around camaraderie and competition many fraternities have sex contests. Pledging often has a theme of domination and includes nudity and alcohol. Pledging practices have included notch contests, like the Spur Posse in California, "pig contests" where the object is to have sex with the ugliest girl. Getting women drunk at frat parties is another common practice: gang rapes are more common in frat houses on college campuses than anywhere else on campus.

In a study of convicted rapists, a young man convicted of gang rape said: "We felt powerful; we were in control. I wanted sex, and there was peer pressure. She wasn't like a person, no personality, just domination on my part. Just to show I could do it--you know, macho."
(Scully and Marolla:p53).

Girls need to be vigilant. Don't go to parties alone, make sure you are on the buddy system, even when you go to use the restroom. Decide that you will leave together, and watch your alcohol intake. In addition, never take a drink from someone unless you have watched it from bottle or can to glass. Rohypnol, or "ruffies", can be slipped into a drink easily. I was a volunteer rape counselor at Parkland Hospital, and one night I was called in because a 16 year old girl had been gang raped by 9 boys after being given the drug. She felt safe with them, a few of the boys were in her math class at school. Always be careful, always know who is around you and what they are doing.
Just remember, girls have the right to say NO to sex. Read the definition again: ANY SEXUAL ACT CHARACTERIZED BY LACK OF CONSENT, BE IT BY FORCE, THREAT OF FORCE, TRICKERY, COERCION, BRIBERY, OR PERPETRATED ON SOMEONE DRUNK OR UNCONSCIOUS.
Be careful, be safe.

I received a call on Monday October 19 that one of my students, Tracy, who also has blogged for me as "a budding journalist", passed away today. October 20 would have been her 19th birthday.  I was completely in shock, and denial, so I called the campus police at Mizzou (University of Missouri) and they confirmed it.  Tracy collapsed on her way to class.  A blood clot traveled from her leg to her lungs, and she is gone. I am mourning a promising young life as well as a friend.  My thoughts remain with her parents who just received the nightmare call that every parent fears.  I cannot begin to imagine the pain they are feeling.  And I am thinking of Tracy.... bright, talented, and oh so enthusiastic Tracy.

I met Tracy when she was a junior at Richardson High School. She did not know what she wanted to do in college, become an actor/singer or a journalist. She decided on journalism, and was overjoyed when she was accepted at Mizzou, one of the best journalism schools around. Tracy was at RHS with my son, Wes, so she came over for parties and "hang outs".  I watched her perform at RHS as she was in the theater magnet. We worked together in my office on her applications, putting her essays together, double checking applications and discussing summer opportunities...and laughing. We did quite a bit of laughing.

Tracy happily blogged for me when she went to Mizzou. Her blogs are a testament to her excitement about being at Mizzou and her enjoyment of college, her classes, her writing, and her social life. She always bubbled over joyfully with all of her experiences, always finding the positive in situations that others might consider negative. She was consistent and prompt with her blogs, and happy to share photos.  You can read her blogs at http://collegeadventures.net/blog/category/student-bloggers/a-budding-journalists-college-adventures/. 

 Funeral Services are at Temple Shalom on Thursday, 10a.m.  Tracy will be sorely missed.  

I love reading my own blog!  It is not as though I love reading my own posts, but keeping up with my former and current students IS fun.  Their college adventures are worth keeping up with!

Following students as they navigate their college experience is worthwhile. It is endlessly interesting. Most of the students are enjoying the next phase, but it is true that some are not. Everyone thinks that college is "the time of your life", and it can be, but the first semester, and sometimes the first year, can be a very, very difficult time. I call this "the freshman slump".

People don't talk much about the slump, but it is there. I have heard from many students recently who are sounding...a little down. They want to come home to visit, to see their friends and family, they seem a bit quiet. The first year of college can be tough.

To these students:  Don't be too hard on yourself. You are on your own for the first time, and that really is a challenge. You are doing your own laundry, getting your meals, studying without being reminded, getting to class, and if you are away from home, you are making new friends and missing your old friends. It can be a confusing time.

Try to find someone to talk to. Keep busy, do things you enjoy. Do not Skype and text your old friends constantly because this just makes it worse. You are all in this together...and you need to give it some time. It is not surprising that a huge percentage of students do not get past their first year of college when you consider how much change is happening in your life.

Give it time. It will take more than 3 or 4 weeks or even a semester to feel at home and to make close friends. Know that this is a normal response, a normal "let down" feeling after a year or more of preparation and anticipation of the college life.  It will be okay!

The Richardson High School AVID seniors are working on their college choices and applications. What is AVID, you ask?  Advancement Via Individual Determination.  The mission of AVID is:  to ensure that ALL students, and most especially the least served students in the middle will 1. Succeed in rigorous curriculum, 2. will complete a rigorous college preparatory path, 3. will enter mainstream activities in the school, 4. will increase their enrollment in four year colleges, 5. and will become educated and responsible participants and leaders in a democratic society.  A student must apply to get into AVID, and the benefits are great.

I spent two class periods with the seniors today, and was very pleased that they remembered me from last year. Last year we discussed how to find the right fit college for each student, and today we went over the various application forms, which can be very confusing.  The main reason I enjoy working with the AVID students is not teaching them the nuts and bolts of the college application process, it is having the chance to tell them about opportunities they may never have considered before. Many of these students are first generation college students and consider schools very close to home. I enjoy opening some other doors for their consideration. There are many colleges and universities that are farther away, may be private, where there are scholarship and financial aid offers that would make their college experience as affordable as going close to home. There are also opportunities to help pay for college like Americorps, where one year of community or volunteer service can earn a student a 4800.00 education award each year for 4 years.  AND, some colleges match that award!  That is 19,200 or 38,400.00 toward one's college education! Not a bad way to make college affordable. There are service opportunities in almost every field, from working with the poor to doing emergency management, clearing paths at National Parks and working in health clinics.  Americorps is one of the ways a student can serve their country and earn money toward college education.  

There are so many colleges out there! About 3,000 in the United States to choose from. I want these students to know that they can consider all of the options. There are colleges for engineering, math and science, Great Books, Liberal Arts, colleges that do narrative grading instead of letter grades, colleges for business, I even know of a college that has a major in scuba diving (you have to minor in business!). 

The AVID students at RHS are always having fund raisers to assist the program, so keep an eye out for these ambitious and dedicated students!  I'm sure they would also happily take a donation of money or time.  Tutors come in every Tuesday and Thursday to work with the students, so if you'd like to volunteer, just go to http://www.risd.org/schools/rhs/Avid/Homepage.html and check out what these kids are up to!  I can say that it is a great way to spend your time....these students are always fun, and inspiring, to be with.

You are probably thinking I am crazy for giving college advice to 9^th graders!  They are just starting high school, so why should they even think about college?  Because 9^th grade MATTERS. 

Although college seems far away, remember that colleges do look at your entire high school grade point average, classes, and activities.  This is the first year that your academics go on an official transcript for review by colleges so pay attention to your grades and pay attention to which courses you are taking.  Make sure you are taking courses in college preparation.  Classes that you must take to graduate do not necessarily qualify you for college.  A college preparation core curriculum includes four years of English, three or four years of Math (four is better), two or three years of a foreign language (three is better), three or four years of Science, and four years of Social Studies/History. 

Freshman year is also the time to learn about Advanced Placement Courses and/or Honors classes, and to get involved in school activities and community service.  High school should be spent exploring what you enjoy doing and what you are passionate about.  Keep your activities down to a manageable number…it is better to be involved deeply with one or two things than to have several activities that you don’t really care about.  Start a resume listing your sports, memberships, activities, travel and awards.  Update this resume all through high school and it will be ready when it comes time for college applications.

Oh, and have fun being in high school!

The dreaded college essay.  The singular is usually inaccurate as most of the time there will be more than one essay.  College essays are one of the most talked about concerns among students and parents, and there are even websites where you can purchase them!  It is amazing to me that anyone would actually purchase a college essay (so don’t even think about it!). 

Most high school English classes help their students with essays, but often these essays are rather boring and read like a high school assignment (which they are, of course).  College admission readers do not want to read these types of essays, if they did, they would ask you for some of your school papers.  What do they want?  They want to read an interesting essay about you, written by you, in your voice, about something you care about or have experienced.  Please, do not write about summer camp (unless it is really compelling). 

The college essay can be a “tip factor” in college admissions.  A great essay can make you stand out which can tip the scales in your favor but an essay will not “get you in”.  There are many factors which make up the admission process, but an essay can help you get noticed.  Here are some tips for you on college essay writing: 

1. Capture the reader’s interest right away.  The first sentence should not read like a five paragraph theme for English class.  I had one student who opened with a sentence about being called a “racial slur”; it was a gripping first sentence.  
2. Remember your audience:  what type of school are you applying to?  Is it conservative or liberal?  Religious or secular?  Some schools love controversial topics and views while others do not.  
3. There is usually a word count limit, do not go over it.  
4. Show your heart, your passion, and do not be afraid to fail.  You want the reader (an admission counselor) to be on your side, you want them to cheer for you during the process.  Be human and be yourself.  Perfection can be annoying, and it is always false anyway.
5.  Answer the question or the essay prompt.  Do not go off on a tangent.  
6. Remember your English teacher and use correct grammar and an active voice.  Proofread.  Did I mention proofreading?  PROOF READ.  Do not count on spell check.  Yes, it can make sure you spelled correctly, but it does not catch it when you mistakenly use “except” for “accept”.  
7. Choose your topic from among the prompts because it interests you, not for any other reason.  
8. Be yourself.  I know that sounds trite, but it is you that the admission reader is looking for.  Don’t try to be someone you are not, YOU fit the bill! 

The essay can be quite fun to write, and can be a voyage of self-discovery.  I do advise you to do at least your first draft before school starts in the fall (haha). It is quite possible that the essay you write will not please your English teacher.  If this is the case,get other opinions, and remember that in the end, the choice is yours.  Trust your intuition and send in the essay that you feel represents you best.  Goodluck, and good writing!

Deciding where to attend college is a very important decision in a life that will be filled with important decisions.  Why?  Because where you attend college will have a significant impact on your future.  Upon what criteria does one base such a big decision? 

Maybe we should start by discussing the wrong criteria, because most people who go off to college don’t really think about the “right stuff” for such a decision, they make choices by considering the “wrong stuff”. The “wrong” way to choose a college is to base that choice on:

I’m going where my friends are going!

I can only go to a school with Greek life and socials!

I’m going where my parents went, if they were happy there, I will be too.

It’s ranked high, so it must be good.

It has a great football team.

It is just down the street so my parents will do my laundry.

My grades are so good I can get in anywhere I want.  (HA HA.  THIS IS TOTALLY WISHFUL THINKING!)

When you consider that many, many students make an important life decision based on the above, it is perhaps not surprising that only 18 of 100 high school freshman will go to college and graduate within six years.  There are many factors that play a role in these statistics (poor high school preparation, racial and ethnic backgrounds, socio-economic status, etc.) but it is also true that 25% of students transfer to another college or university, sometimes graduating, sometimes not.  Choosing a college is not about your friends or where your parents went or how the football team is…it is about you.  When you choose a college or university that truly fits you and your values, you will thrive, learn, and be engaged in that community.  Student engagement leads to higher graduation rates.  What are some of the variables you should consider?  Well, they are all about you:

How do I learn best?  In a large environment or a small environment?  Do I want to be known by name or is it okay if my professors don’t know me?

What am I passionate about?  Are those activities/values available to me at that college?

Are the classes discussion-based or lecture-based?  Which do I prefer?

How far away from home do I want to be?  Should I challenge myself to be away from home?

Do I want to watch or participate?

Are my interests represented on the campus in a significant way?

Will the academics challenge me or will I be the smartest one on campus?

Will I be comfortable with the living arrangements on campus?

How well do you know yourself?  The college planning process requires you to think and explore yourself.  Can you get in wherever you want if you are a 4.0 student with a perfect SAT score?  NOT AT ALL (what about all the other 4.0 perfect SAT score students?) Consider everything.  Dismiss nothing.  Don’t prejudge, and above all, enjoy yourself.  Learning is supposed to be exciting!

Students and parents:  start early, plan in advance, explore, discover, and relax!  The college experience is a great adventure.

A. Don’t trust your first impression of your roommate or of her/his family. She/he may behave differently around the family; YOU might be acting strange around your family! Move in day is stressful for everyone, so don’t make any hard and fast judgments about the person you will be living with for the next 9 months!

B. You may be rooming with someone of a different ethnicity, race or culture. This can be as simple as a Texas kid rooming with someone from Maine! Just because YOU don’t think a particular behavior is normal does not mean it isn’t the norm for someone else. Don’t be afraid to discuss these types of things! If you are lucky enough to be rooming with an international student, take the opportunity to learn from them! And to show them how you do things.

C’s. As you get to know one another, be sure and talk about alcohol, drugs, sex, and rock ‘n roll! We all know that students behave somewhat badly sometimes, so know the expectations of one another, that is very important. Also, discuss the definitions of “clean”, “quiet”, and “bedtime”. If you compromise and discuss in advance you will save yourself, your roommate, and yes, your parents, a lot of headaches!