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Elise McVeigh's Life Camp Column
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,I am in charge of my school auction this year. There is one friend in particular that I have enlisted to help, and she is falling down on the job big time. I have tried to encourage her to get her job done, but she just is not doing it. She often skips the committee meetings, with a ton of excuses. I am getting so bitter and resentful towards her, that on my end, it is killing our friendship. What should I do? Frustrated Volunteer Dear Frustrated Volunteer,Working with a friend, even in a volunteer role, can bring a lot of strain to a friendship. It is time to have a heart to heart talk with your friend. The conversation can have a pleasant tone to it. Tell her you are just “checking in with her” on her volunteer job, and want to know if she feels overwhelmed, and if she feels that she is able to get the job done. Remind her that you are there to help her in any way that you need to. Give her hard deadlines in writing, and tell her that these are goals that have to be met by the committee. Then tell her (still in a friendly tone) that if she does not think that she can meet the goals, the two of you can brainstorm on who can help her. In the meantime, start looking for someone who can “help” her (i.e, take her place). If she misses the first deadline, then start slowly shifting the work to your new committee member. Dear Mrs. McVeigh,I have a friend who I was supposed to go to lunch with the other day. She cancelled saying she had a doctor’s appointment. I then was out running errands at the time we were supposed to meet, and I caught her out shopping. I was so stunned that I just said hello to her, and did not confront her. She said hello too, and we have never discussed it. Should I confront it, or should I let it go?Snubbed Friend Dear Snubbed Friend,I would approach the situation with deep thought on what kind of friend this person has been to you, up until the “incident.” If she (he) is truly a kind and honest person, then ask her nicely, or in a joking way, what happened. You can say something like, “Were you blowing me off or what,” or “Is shopping now more fun than lunching with me?” It may have been a big misunderstanding, or lack of communication. If you have a doubt in your mind about her being a completely honest person, then you will have to obviously decide if you want to continue the friendship or not. You could just accept the way she is, and keep the friendship on a lighter level, and be more careful next time when making plans with her.
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