Turns out not everyone blindly celebrates the beauty of beards. In fact, some eggheads have done research to discredit the awesomeness of beards. Believe me, I’m just as shocked as you. But let’s hear them out:

Inkling magazine published a story saying that there is scientific proof that beards are bad business for their growers and their brood. The report states that a 1967 study by the Industrial Health and Safety Office in Maryland proved their hypothesis that “a bearded man subjects his family and friends to risk of infection if his beard is contaminated by infectious microorganisms while he is working in a microbiological laboratory.”

Hmm, disconcerting, but only if you work with microbes. If so, you better shave your face, lest you want to put your family at risk. But for the rest of you beardos, all you gotta worry about is spilling soup in your facial fur. That and small woodland creatures hibernating in your beards.