As I was cleaning out my grandmother's dresser drawers after she died,
I was shocked to find a pumping system for fake breasts. It was at that
moment I realized she had suffered from breast cancer.
After so many years of her making it a point for us, her grandchildren
to not enter her bedroom when she changed clothes, I never would have
imagined in a million years that was the reason behind it. Now I
finally understood - her breasts had been removed and she did not want
us to know
it.
I had to have a monogram at age 24 as I needed to begin hormonal
treatments for newly diagnosed endometriosis, and they would not begin
my medication until I passed the monogram first. Later on the day of my
exam, my gynecologist called me. He explained that the monogram results
had revealed two lumps in my left breast and because each of them were
so large, the only option was surgery; remove the lumps surgically to
do a biopsy. It was the only way to find out if I had breast cancer
myself or not.
I woke up the next morning and found myself on the way to the hospital.
I met the surgeon very early as he wanted to first practice finding the
spots of my two lumps on an orange and then actually sew on my breast
lumps (with no meds-very painful procedure); he thought this would
ensure I would not scar nearly as bad afterwards.
Last memory I have before the surgery itself was each of my parents
taking one of my hands and holding them, and it was then I began to
sob. Next memory I have was me waking up in the recovery room and
overhearing my father tell me, "It is not cancer. The doctor said you
have "fibrocystic" breasts." I was relieved.
My family, best friend, boyfriend, and I celebrated the good news the
same evening of my day surgery by going out to dinner. My boyfriend was
amazed I could be out and about already after having that surgery but I
was sore for the next six months. My friends helped me carry all of my
luggage upstairs to my second floor room when I returned to the
dormitory one week after surgery, which was also one night before
Spring semester began. And I would either use a small suitcase with
wheels to roll my books along or sometimes, my friends would also help
me then and carry them for me.
At age 33, I came across a website one day of a breast cancer survivor.
She had made videos during her treatments and recovery, as she wanted
to send out hope to others through her positivity. We shared our
stories with each other via videos and e-mails. And one day this
newfound friend called me. After I hung up, I thought to myself how it
inspiring it was to speak to a breast cancer survivor, and then the
moment of clarity dawned on me; I had actually been speaking to one all
of my life - she was my grandmother.
Looking back now I can not help but wonder at times if my biopsy had
been cancerous instead of benign, would my grandmother then have told
me about her own experience?
A few months after my surgery, my boyfriend, David (now my husband)
gave me a pink ribbon he had received at a Dallas Cowboys' football
game. He shared with me the story about how they had breast cancer
survivors recognized and stood on the field and during this
recognition, these pink ribbons were passed out to all of the game
attendees. My pink ribbon has remained on my computer monitor since
that moment. I have switched monitors a few times over the past years,
but the ribbon remains there.
Two scars on my left breast and the pink ribbon always remind me of
this time in my life and the brave women who have fought breast cancer
and continue to do so.