Some years ago I visited churches in connection with my job. One day I stopped by a church to leave some information. The secretary glanced at me as I approached her door, but when I saw that she was on the phone, I stepped away to give her privacy. I waited. And waited, while she chatted away on what was clearly a happy personal call.

After nearly 15 minutes a man working outside, seeing through the glass door that I was still waiting, came in and apologized profusely, and took the brochure from me. I was there on business, but I remember wondering, "What if I were looking for a new church?" The rude behavior of that secretary – the first point of contact for a stranger – dissuaded me from wanting to return for any reason.

In the 46 years since I became a Christian, I have been a member of two Dallas churches, the first one for more than 30 years. In 1996, we moved our membership to a church of another denomination. We were happy there for a long time. But a couple of years ago, I felt drawn to find a church nearer home and decided to visit Protestant churches in the southern suburbs. I had two primary criteria: The church had to recognize my infant baptism, and it had to be one where I felt a real welcome.

Ah – there was the rub.

I had thought my experience with the unwelcoming secretary was an aberration. When I began my hunt for a new church home, my daughter and young grandsons came along one Sunday. We followed the "Nursery" sign arrow to find an empty room. After several minutes of waiting in the hallway, wondering what to do, a young woman walking by said, "Oh, sometimes the nursery lady just doesn't show up. Somebody will probably be here soon," and away she went.

At another church we visited, where our family made five of the 40 or so in attendance at the early informal service, not one single person spoke to us, not when we entered, not during the time allotted for greeting, and not as we exited.

But that wasn't the worst experience. One summer Sunday my husband and I visited a church for the first time; we were the only newcomers in the small congregation. In fact, the minister commented on it: "It's easy to see who our visitors are today!" We were greeted warmly by several folks and stayed after the service to talk with the pastor for about five minutes. Two days later we received a "welcome visitor" letter that said, "Sorry I didn't get a chance to meet you. I hope you'll come to visit again so that I can meet you and get acquainted."

We talked to the man. We were the only visitors that day. And he sent us a form letter that apparently he didn't even read before he signed it.

A Christian church is a community of believers in Christ. Christ taught us that God is love and that we are to love one another. Unfortunately, in some churches that love appears to be reserved for those who are already "in the group."

Don't get me wrong; we visited other churches where we were definitely made to feel welcome and were invited back. I'm already a Christian, and I'm a persistent person who kept looking even after some negative experiences. But I can't help but wonder: What if I had been a nonbeliever who was searching for Christ, and the secretary wouldn't give me the time of day, or none of the people around said hello, or the pastor couldn't remember talking to me two days after the fact?

So maybe we need to take a hard look at how we show that love. Starting at home.