The Helpless Housewife, Ruth Haesemeyer, right, loves the holidays –except for the five to ten pounds she takes away from them.

But registered and licensed dietitian Susan Zeff says there are ways to take the fat but not the flavor out of favorite Thanksgiving dishes.

Visit Susan’s kitchen with the Helpless Housewife in a new video episode, coming Nov. 20. 

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Lasagnas I am attempting to eat: 1

Number of bites taken thus far: 0 

Number of sauce stains on my shirt: 1

How is this possible?

Oh yeah.

I am The Helpless Housewife.

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My car is dead. It was quick and painless –I drove it to the shop, they told me not to drive it home.

So my husband Matt says he wants to get me a car. He says he wants it to be exciting for me –like Christmas.

I told him what car would be Christmas for me.

He said he didn’t mean that kind of Christmas –more one where I was satisfied and happy.

I’m pretty sure that’s Thanksgiving.

***

P.S. Any tips on buying/agreeing on a car?

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Think burnt fast food was impressive? Wait until you try Mutant Cupcakes, made from impossible-to-mess-up cake mix.

Yes, I, the bane of impossible-to-mess-up food, have done it again, and I’m even willing to share the recipe.

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It causes plants to shrivel as I walk through the nursery section at Wal-Mart. It brought about the untimely end of two deserving, low-maintenance houseplants. It is my black thumb of death, and it is a big part of why I haven’t joined first lady Michelle Obama and a host of others by planting a vegetable garden this year.

Thankfully, Denton County Master Gardener Al Kirchhoff has two very green thumbs and was willing to offer me some tips about starting a successful vegetable garden.

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The Helpless Housewife has misplaced her planner. She will return with updated events soon.

My husband and I are on a strict, spend-as-little-as-possible budget for a while.
This means no frivolous shopping. No eating out. No fun – so I thought.
But I’ve been poking around on neighborsgo.com, and I’ve found lots of events that are both fun and free – and even our tiny budget has room for that.
So here’s a list of a few free, upcoming events. If you know of others, post them here!
I’ll update this every Friday.

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One more reason to not cook (as if I needed one): Free pancakes at IHOP.

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As I’ve said before, my idea of budgeting is to buy shoes on sale.

I’m clueless about saving money –a problem that grows as the economy shrinks. That’s why I was thrilled to learn ways to save on groceries from the area-based Sisters of Savings, Cheryl Jackson and Lynette Shofner. (more)

Hats and I can never be.

I’ve tried to make it work. It should. I love accessories, vintage clothes, and looking just a tad unusual. Hats can be or do all these things. But it never works out.

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I’ve been a Helpless Housewife for a year and a half. I’ve burnt at least one item from most food groups, grown dust bunnies the size of real bunnies, and killed two houseplants.

But in amongst the spilling, the shattering and the not-cleaning, I’ve learned a few things. (more)