Several weeks ago I was in my local pharmacy and noticed a college-aged student in her pajamas. I immediately felt bad for her, thinking she must be really sick, and had to drag herself out of bed to get some medicine. A week later I noticed another young person in her pajamas, and confirmed with some friends that this is a new trend. A few days ago I heard two radio personalities discussing this subject because one of them saw an adult woman in her pajamas out in public.

This is not about dressing for success or what to wear to land your dream job. I am talking about dressing decently outside of your house, which means not wearing your pajamas out – unless it is to retrieve your newspaper on your front lawn. I recall my grandfather telling me as a teenager that you dress up to visit people in hospitals, and when flying. I know standards have changed, but the average American does not seem to dress decently for day to day living.

I tell my sons that they look homeless when they wear athletic shorts and t-shirts. They tell me that is what everyone is wearing at school, but I insist that they wear khaki shorts and collared shirts most days. As adults we respect people more when they are dressed well. Dressing well can get you a lot further in life, from having to make a return at a store, to getting good service in a restaurant.  Overall you don’t have to be dressed-to-impress to go the grocery store, but please at least put on your old sweats, and leave your pajamas for bedtime only.

Nothing like constructive "feedback" from Neighborsgo readers. On the article that appeared in yesterday's Dallas Morning News Neighborsgo that I wrote about wearing pjs out in public, one reader thought I sounded snobby and judgmental about how people dress. Not my intention whatsoever. Just suggesting that people may want to wear "daytime" clothes.  Another reader liked what I said, and totally cracked me up! She emailed me a grocery store ad that invited people to show up in their pajamas to their bakery, and receive a complimentary cinnamon roll!  That is too funny and coincidental!

Thanks to everyone who reads my columns and blog. I love feedback - positive and negative.  I will post the article if you missed it.

When thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions this year, how about adding some that have to do with improving your manners? Here are a few simple things that can make a difference in your life (and other people’s life too).

Do not eat and walk. It is a common habit among Americans. We are always in a rush, and we like to multi-task, but not only is eating and walking rude, it can add to weight gain. 

Sit down at the dinner table as a family more often – with the television off. We all say that we do this, but in reality we do not do it often enough.  Not only can everyone use their extra good table manners, but the conversations that your family has is more memorable at the dinner table, then when you are sitting in front of the TV or even sitting on the kitchen bar stools.

Turn all screens off for at least 15 minutes a day as soon as your children and/or spouse arrive home, and talk about your day.  Any texts or emails can wait for an answer, and your family will (re)learn how to give people their full attention as they speak.

Answer all party invitations within 3 days.  We all put off responding to invitations for whatever reason. Check your calendar as soon as you open the invitation, and try to give your hostess an answer asap.

Write more hand written notes. From a thank you note, to telling someone you enjoyed meeting her for coffee, or telling a friend you are there for him during a crisis, a hand written note is always received with joy, and is greatly appreciated.

Before making a phone call to make an appointment to a doctor’s office or beauty treatment, know when your last appointment was, and some possible dates and times that you would like to come in again.  It can be rather frustrating for the person who is trying to set the appointment for you if you take a lot of time to look up or think about this type of information.

If you try to implement one or all of these suggestions to improve your good manners, you will see that your year will be a better one because of your positive changes.

You are at your sister-in-law’s house and you are getting ready to leave. You brought two bottles of wine, but only drank one. Is it okay to take the other one back?  Though tempting to take it with you, etiquette says to leave it there. There are etiquette rules of how to handle bringing (and taking) food and beverages to someone’s house, if you are the guest or the hostess. Here are some more examples of what to do.

  One time when my family was a guest in someone else’s house for a holiday, my mother brought a dessert for the hostess.  The hostess never served the dessert, and handed it back to my mother as we were leaving and said, “We won’t eat this, so you can take it back.” My mother was embarrassed and horrified by this gesture.  As a hostess you may think you are doing the person a “favor” by giving back their food or drink, but first consider the relationship you have with the person, and the context of how the food was presented to you. In this case my mother presented it as a gift, and got her feelings hurt when it was not wanted.

When you bring food or wine to someone’s house, make it clear what the intention is. For example, you can tell your hostess that she is welcome to put it out with the other food, or if it is for the hostess to enjoy another day. When someone brings food to your house and no exact direction is given, you can say something like, “This dessert looks delicious! Shall we try some after our meal?” This should clarify what the exact motivation is.

            When your hostess has leftovers, even if it is a relative, do not assume that you can help yourself. Let her offer every time that you are there, and be conservative on how much you take. I have seen relatives who bring their own plastic food containers, and help themselves to what they want. Others would fight over the leftovers of their mother’s family favorite pie.

Remember your good manners this holiday season, and try to restrain yourself from taking back what you came with, and be conservative on taking home any offered leftovers.  Even close relatives judge one another on their manners, so use your best manners to help make the holiday season a joy for everyone.

            The news reported that retail sales over the Thanksgiving weekend were high.  The newscaster commented that people may be back to their old habits of spending money they do not have. If you find yourself spending more than you would like to (or need to) during the holidays, then remember that it really is the thought that counts. If you fear old Aunt Martha may tell people you are cheap, here are some ideas that will make you look more clever and thoughtful.

            Baking a holiday treat from scratch is truly a novelty these days. Find a treat that Aunt Martha has not seen in years, and put it in an elaborate or decorative looking container. Attach a card with the recipe on one side, and a pretend company with your name on the other, such as “Elise’s Edibles.” You can tell her you really have been listening to her childhood stories all of these years of what her grandmother used to bake for her.

How about enlarging or restoring a childhood photo that means a lot to Martha, such as her on her first bike or with her late siblings? You can put it on your own scanner to enlarge, or take it to a specialty printer to enlarge or restore. This is a gift that you can range a lot in price, so keep in mind the value in this gift is the sentiment, not size or deluxe restoration.  

            Collect (or purchase inexpensively) pinecones.  Put them in a basket, add a holiday bow, and you have a beautiful gift. You can add some good smelling accents from the local craft store, and your gift will be fabulous. This can make a great centerpiece and be used for years to come.

            There are many ideas out there like this that do not look “cheap”, and will not break the bank.  Even your toughest holiday critic will be impressed with your clever and customized gift.  

Have you ever been in line at a store and proud to hear a fellow customer be patient, kind, and continue to be polite even after things are not quite going his way?  Even though the sales associate is new and had to ring up his merchandise several times, the person continues to smile and tell them no problem.  The customer finally gets finished and apologizes to you for having to wait, even though it was not even his fault.  Unfortunately we do not see and hear this often enough.  Typically we want melt into the background because of how rude a customer is acting.  It is even worse when they do it in front of their children.  You know these kids are probably the ones acting disrespectful in their word choices to their teachers and friend’s parents. 

            People are not as respectful with their words as they used to be.  We teach our children from birth to say please and thank you, but then turn around and forget to do it ourselves.  When someone bumps into you, you should expect to get an “excuse me,” but often do not.  Children who use the word “mam” after saying yes or no always impress me.  It sounds so much more respectful than the typical “yah” that you get from most kids.   

Your tone of voice can also make or brake how polite and respectful you sound.  I have one child when he was young who knew the right words to use, but would just blow it with his tone of voice.  If you do not have a polite tone in your voice, you may as well forget trying to sound polite at all. 

Next time you hear a stranger say something polite, be sure to acknowledge it with saying something back or at least a big smile.  When children use polite words I always thank them for their good manners.  Any kind of positive affirmation should help them to continue being polite.

When it comes to teaching a young child good manners, finding a positive spin on etiquette will bring you more success than threats and negative words. To teach your children manners, make it fun and interactive.

If you have a young daughter, she probably enjoys playing princess. Next time she is in her princess costume, ask her to pretend how to meet you as her favorite princess. As she is meeting you, if she looks down, tell her princesses are confident and poised, they use good eye contact and a confident-sounding voice.

If you son likes to dress up as his favorite superhero, tell him Superman has a firm, but not too hard, handshake when he meets people.

If your child likes to play with dolls or action figures, play with him or her and have the dolls use good manners.

A lot of popular children’s characters have their own book, DVD or dolls related to good manners. The ones that I use in my camps include the Berenstain Bears, Madeline, and Barbie. Children not only love involving their favorite characters, but also learn a lot from them.

If you want your child to learn how to set a table, find a fun placemat that helps them know where all of the pieces in the place setting belong. You can also go online and find a picture of a correct place setting and print it out for them. I have both on my site, mrsmcveighsmanners.com.

Tune into your child’s interests, and engage them in learning manners in a fun and interactive way.

When someone you know has a loved one pass away, doing or saying nothing is the most comfortable thing to do, but is also the rudest. For showing the person that you are sorry for his loss, as well as following the rules of etiquette, here are some suggestions. 

As soon as you see the person, acknowledge his loss. If you will not be able to see him, then a phone call and/or handwritten note would be appropriate.

Find out when the wake and funeral are scheduled, and plan on attending. Funerals are not fun for most people, but remember that funerals are for the living, not for the dead. Going to the funeral of an acquaintance’s loved one will mean so much to the person.

Men should always dress in a dark coat and tie, and women should wear a conservative dress, skirt or suit.

If the person suffering the loss is your boss or your employee, attend the wake and funeral if it is in town. The office should also send flowers to the funeral home. If there is not a budget for this, then take up a collection from your coworkers, or, as the boss, pay for it out of your own pocket.

If you are sending flowers to an acquaintance or coworker, you should spend at least $25, preferably closer to $50 or more. If the person is a friend, then $50 or more for flowers or a donation to a favorite charity would be acceptable. 

If you are a friend of the family and are invited to a reception afterwards, bring food for the family. Bring it in a disposable container so the family does not have to return it to you.

If you find out about a funeral after the fact, acknowledge this as soon as possible in person and/or send a handwritten note. In the note, express your sympathy for the loss; an apology for not attending the funeral is also fine.

If you are the one with the loss of a loved one, write thank you notes to all who gave flowers and charitable donations, and brought food. If all or anyone who attended the services touches you, a written note would of course be appreciated.

Being late at anything you do is considered rude, but sometimes is just happens. How to handle different late scenarios can be tricky, but the situation forgivable.   Here are some tips when you are late. 

            Late thank you notes are a common way we are late.  Life is busy and it is hard to find time to write a note, or sometimes we write it, and it gets lost in a paper shuffle, and we find it months later.  If you are late writing the note, thank the person for what you need to, and then the last paragraph you can mention how busy you have been.  An example would be:  “Things have been very busy lately, mostly because I got promoted at work.  Sorry I have not been in touch sooner.  Let’s get together when things slow down for me.”  If you wrote the note and it never got sent, go ahead and mail it right away.  The person will probably figure out what happened.  If they mention receiving the note, then you can tell them that it got lost and then found. If you feel like you need to give the person an explanation, then feel free to call him and explain what happened.

            When I am late with a gift, I always try to make light of the situation.  We all have seen the humorous belated birthday cards. I think people appreciate a birthday card or gift even if it is a late.  I was very late with a baby gift one time, so I wrote a note with the gift saying, “Wanted to get this to Johnny before he went off to college.”  The mother of the new baby was grateful for the gift, and the issue of the gift being late was never mentioned. 

            Lastly if you are late when going to someone’s house or meeting him somewhere, try to call or text as soon as you realize that you are going to be late. Communication about this makes the offense a lot more forgivable then just showing up with no prior explanation. 

Being late is hard to avoid all of the time, so use your best judgment in every situation, and do not make being late the norm in your life.  The saying “better late than never” always applies.